It is now the end of January 2012 and it has been just over four years since my 10-day stay at Schick Shadel Hospital came to an end. I am still not drinking. I have still never had a single craving for alcohol. Indeed the cure is still working quite well for me. However a lot happened in the time since my last post, making for a very challenging year. But even when I was most desperate I said one thing to myself over and over: I am so glad I don't drink anymore.
The details of all that happened since last January are rather boring if you're not me. I'll just say that emotionally it was one of the hardest years of my life. Some ups, lots of deep downs, some dark despair and too many of thoughts of ending it all.
When I drank it was to escape. It was a false escape, of course, because sometimes my anger or sadness would rise with my level of intoxication. As I struggled through this last year the only times my thoughts would turn towards drinking would be to be grateful that I don't do it anymore. So many times I said to myself (and sometimes to friends who were kind enough to listen to my woe), "I am so glad I don't drink anymore!" The stress and emotional anguish I was feeling was so great that no amount of alcohol would have been enough.
What I'm trying to communicate is that even when there are hard times we can look at sobriety as a steady rock to help us through. A lot of people, when in the midst of struggle, like to say things like "I could use a drink." And I imagine there are ex-users who, in their tough times, wish they could ease the trouble with their drug of choice. I am extremely grateful that I never had that wish, never had a craving, never wanted to go back to the old ways. Indeed I feel so much stronger now.
Things are looking up. The major stresses I've endured over the last year are nearly all in the past. It gives me great hope that the future will be brighter.
Thank you to those who continue to visit this blog, and thank you for your comments to my posts. Life in recovery isn't always easy, but even when the road is hard I am reminded that I will make it through and by not drinking I ensure that I will.
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When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
"Don't Quit," Author Unknown
Thank you for your blog. Very helpful and insightful. Hope all is well. Have a wonderful summer.
Dear Wes,
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.
I am a "Grandpa type" who will be starting the program on Feb 6, '13.
Your blog has been a great help to me.
All best wishes!
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