One Year later

Today I celebrate that it was one year ago on this day that I completed my ten day treatment at Schick Shadel Hospital. It is a natural milestone to commemorate and while in my daily life I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about my recovery, today I make a point of acknowledging my accomplishment. I’m surprised to see that it has been six months since my last post to this blog, I guess that is an indicator of how life goes on even in recovery.

One of the things I did for myself this last year was make time to travel to some concerts. I’m not normally a concert-going kind of guy, but I’ve always enjoyed attending them and seeing my favorite artists in person makes them so much more personal. In my previous post I wrote about seeing the Dave Matthews Band at Rothbury and how one of their songs touched me just right, in October I went to San Francisco to see one of my long-time favorite bands who were touring the US. James is the band, and in the song I Wanna Go Home Tim Booth sings “In, this bar, in this bar I am dying/In this bar in this bar, my heart’s dying...” That was me a year ago and I knew it. I am so thankful that I was able to get help.

I still attend the Schick support meetings that are held twice a week at the hospital, though I’m not necessarily there every week. It is such a boost for me to see the patients as they go through their process, I am so happy for them and it warms my heart to hear them discuss their experience. Every now and again I have something useful to share and the exchange of ideas and feelings helps both the patients as well as us graduates.

Acceptance
At one recent support meeting there was discussion about forgiveness and acceptance and how they come into (or don’t) the recovery process. A lot of us feel shame that we ended up here, a lot of us have shame heaped onto us, some have financial or legal issues that might take years to mop up, then there is the contrast of how good we feel as we graduate from Schick and develop sober lifestyles. I am very proud of the gift I was given and I really want to help others as they recover and move to a better place. Yet I realize that I could not be where I am today had I not developed a destructive drinking problem. It saddens me that I caused my family so much pain in the past but it all is a part of my life story, and this chapter where I’m writing about a year’s sobriety could not have happened if I hadn’t wound up in recovery. I’m grateful God has given me the opportunity to bring good from this.

Life Continues
So life moves on. A sober life is not challenge-free by any stretch. The complications of life that I used to hide from with a bottle (a big bottle!) remain and some days are better than others. I have battled with depression since I was young and like the flu it comes and goes, with some bouts easier than others. Recently this “flu” has flared up again and while it isn’t enjoyable I am encouraged (and I hope it can encourage others who are recovering) that I have not had a single craving or thought to drink.

Thank you to Schick Shadel hospital and their wonderful treatment program that has worked so well for me. Thank you family and friends for supporting me. Thank you graduates and patients for helping me feel strong. And thank you to You for reading this, I can’t know who you are but you’re helping me too.

A year. Wow.